Things to Do While the Cat’s Away

  1. Realize that your partner is not actually a cat, nor are you any kind of mouse-type person.
  2. Take no longer than 6 hours to realize also that, in fact, all that notion of partying while the cat/partner’s away is total bollocks because all you’re really going to do is more of what you already do while she’s at work, ie. sit around in your underpants eating mangoes and watching shows you’ve already seen.
  3. Start working 9 to 5, to the bafflement of yourself, your family, your friends and, most of all, your co-workers, who only expect you to come in when your livelihood or your favourite thing ever (this week) is under threat.
  4. Watch some more shows.
  5. Imagine how you will rearrange the furniture while you wait for a new episode of Castle or Vampire Diaries to buffer.
  6. Send your partner disgustingly googly email messages.
  7. Try to contact your partner, fail to connect, miss her call, call her back, miss her again, go to bed frustrated and with your eyes twitching from too much Vampire Diaries.
  8. Go to bed at midnight, that is. Not at 5a.m. like you used to when your partner was there sleeping consolingly next to you and you could get yelled at in the morning for fucking up your sleep cycle and managing to never spend more waking time than sleeping time together with her in any given day.
  9. Write really long convoluted sentences.
  10. Wake up at 8a.m. to drag your sorry, lonely, pointless ass to work so that you can feed your new and necessarily short-lived vanila-9-to-5-office-going fetish until you can’t stand your own pale tasteless waste of a life anymore.

Yes, I know she’ll be back in a week. Fuck off.

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5 thoughts on “Things to Do While the Cat’s Away

  1. Dear Summer,
    Have just come across your blog and reading with great interest.

    We are writing to let you know of a South Asian queer erotica anthology that we are working on. Here is the call for submissions which we have circulated around. We are trying to reach as many people. Please do look at the call and we hope you will consider submitting a piece. And if you are ok with putting up the call on your blog, that’d be really helpful. Hope to hear from you.

    Meenu and Shruti

    Here is the call:

    Call for submissions: Anthology Of South Asian Queer Erotica [title forthcoming]
    To be published by Tranquebar Press in 2012

    The spaces for expressing queer concerns have increased across South Asia in the last decade. Much is being written about sexuality, rights and queer lives. Yet, in all of this, sex itself doesn’t get written about very much and there is a dearth of queer erotica from South Asia. Contemporary queer erotica with a South Asian focus would make these queer lives apparent in newer and compelling ways. This anthology is an attempt to present queer, sexual, regional literature that pleasures and satisfies. It is about queer sex lives, erotic experiences and passions. Queer in this anthology represents non-normative genders, sexualities, lives and perspectives. It aims to bring out voices that have been limited to smaller groups or never heard before.

    What we want:
    We want stories of queer love, lust and craving. Sex, however you may define it, should be a big part of the story. We want gender play, auto-eroticism, dark fantasies, monogamous and non-monogamous sex, stories of bondage, domination, sadism and masochism. We are looking for stories of deep passions, stories that complicate sex. We want stories of desire, fulfilled and unfulfilled. Stories that defy the gender binary. Stories of how you sexed up your aids and appliances. Stories on masturbation or the pleasures of paid sex. Stories of how you steamed up a bus ride, ended a clandestine affair or fucked with sex toys. Share with us stories that confront, redefine, dispute and reclaim what sex is. Let your stories queer erotica itself.

    We invite you to write short stories with South Asian themes, characters and places reflected in them. We are looking for a wide expression of experiences across age, region, class, ability, gender and sexual identities. Stories can be fictional, semi-fictional and non-fiction, but we are not looking for academic or solely autobiographical writing on sexuality. Your stories will shatter the silences around queer erotic lives and encompass their diversities, so let us have them.

    Who can write:
    We want to foreground the queer voices of people living in or originally from South Asia. Queer includes but is not restricted to identities like lesbian, bisexual, gay, transgender, intersex, hijra, kothi, questioning, genderqueer, genderfluid and pansexual. Authors do not necessarily have to identify with one or more of these identities but the stories they submit should reflect non-normative genders, sexualities, lives and perspectives.

    How to submit:
    We are looking for short stories with a word limit of no less than 3000 words. We regret that we are unable to include poetry.
    All submissions should be in English. Translations from other languages are allowed as long as the author owns the rights to the translation as well.
    Please submit the story as an email attachment on a word document. Please include a title and word count.
    Do not include your name or any other identifiers in the word document. As we are using a blind submissions process, we will have to reject submissions that indicate the author’s identity in the body of the story.
    Authors will be informed whether their work is selected by mid-October. At that time, we will request you to provide a name under which you wish to be published and a short bio.
    All selected authors will receive a one-time payment. The copyright of the story will remain with the author.
    The deadline for submission is 15th September 2011.
    Send your stories to queerotic.stories@gmail.com

    Now get writing about the kind of sex you have wanted to read about. And get us swooning!

    About the editors:
    Meenu is a queer feminist activist. She has been involved with issues of gender and sexuality through women’s rights organisations and autonomous collectives for the last six years. She lives in Delhi and is an avid reader of erotica.

    Shruti is currently based in Bombay. In the last eight years, she has actively engaged with the women’s and queer movements in the country. Over the years, she has worked as a researcher, social worker and counsellor.

  2. *wails*
    I has left comment here before. Why you no replies to ME, woman?!

    And, why you so silent? Blog again. Me likes.

    Me was once kid sitting in room reading the stuff here with eyes wide open. <3 for you.

    …even though you has ignored my previous comment(s). But I lets u off hook…

  3. O behen! Itna munfarid hai apka blog. Zara himmat kijiye aur posts ka silsila jari rakhiye — apki online maujoodgi khasi ehm hai :)
    Shukria!

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