Bisexuality is a Queer Sin

I’ll make this short because, well, it gets heavily on my nerves – I’ve discovered, being a part of a queer group for a couple of years now, that being bisexual is a very, very problematic thing in gay and lesbian eyes.

For lesbians, bi girls are those who can run back to men and who will eventually choose men. I’ve mentioned before how Lovely got told repeatedly when she was getting together with me that my being bi means that I will eventually leave her for a man, and therefore there’s no profit in being with me.

Moreover, if you’re a bi woman in a queer group and you’re with a woman, you are functionally lesbian so that’s okay. You can talk about your bi-ness and everyone will make a big joke about it, but basically, it’s okay, you haven’t strayed. But if somehow you accidentally fall for a man and are in a relationship with him, suddenly it’s not funny anymore. A bi woman in a relationship with a man is straight (and dead) to lesbians.

What I’ve found more interesting recently is that bi men are also disregarded by gay men, but not for being traitors ore foreign agents. It’s more that gay men think men can’t actually be bi. Oh, you can get a gay man to say that, of course, men are bi and bisexuality exists, all that jazz; but in gossip or chat mode, when it comes up that a man says he’s bi, the answer goes something like: “Him? He’s a pakki khusri! He’s just saying he’s bi because, trust me, I’ve seen millions like him, he’s not just gay, he’s a bottom!”

There’s a such a deep investment in being gay or lesbian, and asserting that it’s a valid life, a natural orientation and all that, that bisexuality seems to challenge that deeply. And boy, that gets on my tits.

Because, yes, it’s easy to pass in a straight society if you’re bi. Yes, it makes it easy to live in society if you’re in a straight relationship. But, no, a bi person in a straight relationship is not straight suddenly! And to be bi in a straight society is like being any kind of queer in a straight society: you can’t talk about a large part of who you are, you have to be cautious, you have to be suppress yourself. Which is the universal queer condition in a heternormative world.

Real Queer is Queer that acknowledge that a heteronormative world is oppressive and terrible for all forms of queerness. Real Queer is Queer that loves outside of the heteronorm, regardless of orientation!


5 thoughts on “Bisexuality is a Queer Sin

  1. I agree with you. In queer circles, bisexuals are mainly discriminated and if its a bi-womeen then its more difficult. As it become she is discriminated for being a woman and then for being a bi woman. I myself once used to have a myopic view of bisexuals. But now after interacting and talking to a friend of mine and knowing her for years now, i am a better person now. I guess it’s important to know people before discrimninating.

  2. Very well said! Here in Melbourne, Australia, the couple of bisexual groups to which I have belonged over the years have had the unashamed audacity to participate in our annual Pride March.

    Every year in which I have marched, a small number of people (presumably gay people) has shouted out insults from the sidelines.

    Every year, we’ve talked about it with each other, but never taken it any further. It’s disappointing, but our reception was always overwhelmingly positive, despite the biphobic bigots who catcalled at our backs.

    This year, thogh, something snapped. During our monthly discussion group a week or two later, a new member ended up in tears recounting the comments from the crowd. As one, we decided enough was enough, and we started making some noise.

    The good news is that the queer press, queer radio, and Pride March Australia have all responded with a wonderful degree of support. Every journalist and radio presenter I have spoken with has been shocked, sympathetic, and determined to work with us to stop it happening again.

    Sure, there’s been resistance. On a couple of websire news stories about us, some separatist gays and lesbians have nicely proven our point by telling us in the comments that we’re whining about nothing, bisexuals aren’t discriminated against, and hey, we’re all cheating scum who don’t even exist anyway.

    We’re visible, though, and getting noisy, and even if maybe some public figures are saying they support us through gritted teeth, at least they’re saying it. Not so long ago, they would have felt quite comfortable criticising us openly, so hey, progress right?

    Anyway, if you feel like checking out our little battle in our corner of the world, have a look at our website:

    We try to keep it up to date, but lately we’ve fallen behind a bit with the huge rush of media attention.

  3. @James: it’s really good to hear about the fight back. I checked out the site but it won’t resolve at the moment (maybe it’s an issue with my ISP). It’s also oddly nice to hear that it happens everywhere. I don’t mean “nice” really. It’s good to know it’s a common queer issue everywhere. Thanks for stopping by!

  4. I agree. The worst part is, if you’re bi, sometimes you start hating your own self and feeling lost but nobody’s there to really support you. You’re not gay but some well-intentioned people try to ‘help’ you by ‘bringing out’ that side of yourself while pushing back the heterosexuality you’re ‘hiding’ behind. And most straight people think you’re a curiosity, funny or just plain confused and will grow out of it with their help.
    In the end, you do start feeling like a double agent. Hah, it’s like bi means na idher ki, na udhar ki. :/

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