Full Disclosure

I’m a big fan of full disclosure. And honesty. I think honesty is great, particularly when your loved ones are involved.

However, I’m also becoming a fan of the doctrine of need-to-know. For example, does a parent need to know that the child’s first kiss was in the pre-teen years? Not from the child’s perspective, no. Does a lover need to know that, far back, before history was invented, you slept with six people at a time, and liked it? No. Why? Because it makes your tummy rumble in a bad way and causes incontinence and lack of sleep.

I was going to fess up my relationship with Lovely to my beloved parent. The one that doesn’t know. And then, in the presence, as it were, I realized: the ways in which said parent does not need to know this! I mean, the ways! And I don’t need the pain and aggravation of arguing daily, weekly, monthly about what a terrible idea it is, how bisexual meant MAN, dammit! and all that stuff.

So I’ve decided, for now, that no one else needs to know. And after five days of insomnia, depression, crying fits and general pissing my pants, last night I slept like a baby cradled in the arms of this decision. Today I jaunted merrily with the parent. Tomorrow, we’ll talk philosophy. And if it ever becomes necessary to fess up, I shall. But not out of some random adherence to the integrity of the relationship. Not torturing the parent with things that the parent cannot control is also chock full of integrity.

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4 thoughts on “Full Disclosure

  1. I kept a lot from my daughter, and whenever she found out stuff (like in old letters or photographs, my mother’s gossip, whatever it was)–she would get furious with me for not telling. I don’t really understand why. By contrast, my mother told me everything (particularly when drunk) and I really DID NOT WANT TO KNOW ALL THAT!!! So, I kind of went the other way.

    But my daughter isn’t as big on honesty as she was as a kid…now that she has her own daughter? Not so much! ;)

  2. Some people find it easier to be totally open with their parents even if their parents can’t handle it and freak. Others don’t want to do with the hassle. I would say that it feels right for you not to tell them, then don’t. If, on the other hand, there comes a time when it is hurting you more than them not to tell them, then tell. I’m sick and tired of watching friends keep shit from their parents supposedly for their parents sake when it is eating my friends up inside.

  3. Well, sometimes parents can be jerks but still be people we value having in our life. They may be at a point where they don’t really want to know all of the details of their kids’ lives. So there might not be any reason to feel bad about not telling them everything…at least that’s how it’s been for me in my own situation. Of course, glued blue glass is right. No one should be forced to keep their life a secret if it’s causing them pain to do so. That principle should be applied first, I think.

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