yeah, it’s been a while

But rather than explain where I’ve been (really busy), I’m going to go somewhere entirely else instead.

I found out from my mom today that one of my cousins, on the foreign (read: liberal) side, thinks that gay people chose to be gay. She’s a really cool kid, this cousin. A freshman in college. Going to be a teacher. She thinks that gay people choose gayness.

I haven’t met her yet or had the chance to talk to her about anything she thinks about or believes in. So it’s second-hand information. Along with that, I’m not out to anyone in my family aside from my parents and I have no intention to be out to anyone else any time soon. Which limits the opportunities for conversation.

But I was thinking, while sitting on the crapper, that if the conversation came up – or rather, if I asked her why she thought this thing – I don’t know if I’d want to know. I mean, I don’t know if I care enough to argue with her. Not “care” maybe. I don’t know how to argue after a certain number of arguments. Beccause they’re all the same. And after I’ve talked to someone once, twice, thrice, I get bored out of my mind. And frustrated. I lose compassion.

But this one’s a kid. She’s 11 years younger than me. I should make the damn effort.

It’s just that, once I’ve learned whatever I needed to learn, I tend to be unable, unwilling or too lazy to argue for someone else’s sake.

Deep shit, this is.

6 thoughts on “yeah, it’s been a while

  1. If your cousin is open minded, it may be worth sharing your perspective. She will hear you. For the record, while I agree that for most it is not a choice, many of us can remain quite content being assexual or sexual on a very limited basis with the sex which is not the one we are truly supposed to be with. I say this because I was the last of my friends and family t0 embrace my queerness. I just was too busy with my academic and social justice life. When I finally slowed down and discovered romance and love with a woman no one was surprised. Talk to her if you feel like it. She sounds like she may be able to listen.

  2. welcome back.

    I guess for me the question would be: what does that mean to her, that gay people choose to be gay. Because, I mean some people -do- believe they choose, but that’s more of a “my sexuality is fluid, personally” sort of thing, I rather think. But, like…so, is it y’know she thinks “and therefore are not entitled to civil rights/etc.?”

  3. Unfortunately, most Pakistanis think that gay people choose to be gay. Many believe that homosexuality is a disease. Furthermore, too many people think that heterosexual marriage can solve the “problem.” I honestly think that you should be patient with your cousin and explain your point of view to her. It’s not easy- trust me I know. I spend a lot of time defending homosexuality. I try and get people to understand it to be an expression of desire and sexuality rather than an aberration. The vast majority do argue, tell me I’m a heathen, and refuse to listen. However, the few who do are worth the effort.

  4. Holy cow!! I could never grasp nor would ever come to terms with this novel idea that permeates every nook and corner, every home and living room , or office in Pakistan.: WHY do we opt, chose, or even venture to cram our view of normalcy, or morality down other’s throats?What exactly grants ANY of us the right to TELL others as to how must they think, behave?Is it the control freak gene? Or is it the urge to prove to rest-look you inferior sapient entities-I am superior and better than you.Acceptance and tolerance is a gone by domain in here. A zealot is only a shade better than a vast majority amongst us. He weilds a gun or a threat-and controls.We just lack those means and YET do our best to control others. Grow up.Grow out.Or go bust.

  5. I always thought that there’s some incident during childhood that affects a person, mind you i am not talking about only sexual incidents, there are many other things.

    Ofcourse I don’t have anyway to prove whether I am right or not, because the only homosexual people I know are online through blogs like this one.

    Do let me know whether I am right or wrong.

  6. deep compassion, it is…..that even after, completely justifiably being frustrated, pissed and eventually “bored out of your mind” by the same arguments, you still are “bothered” enough to write this…. while the liberal, western cool chick dismisses entirely, offhand, the prejudice, the bigotry and the suffering homosexual people …..what’s the word?…..oh yeah….choose.

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