So I’m mad about this boy.
And then I meet this girl. She’s lovely. She’s gorgeous. She’s taken.
The boy and I have been playing hide and seek for months now.
The girl is stuck in a straight relationship, but is so, so gay.
The boy knows I’m bi. I don’t know how that’s relevant here, though.
I hook up with the girl. Twice. We spend hours and hours together fantasizing about what could have been if we had known each other earlier.
I’m completely enchanted with the girl. I think I might be in love with the boy.
I mean, just the scads of affection I feel for him. If it’s not love, it’s the thing before love. After a crush. Last night, from a mutual friend, I got the impression that the boy had gone underground. I hadn’t heard much from him, and thought I’d fucked something up (by, say, hooking up with a girl, though there’s no reason he’d know I had), but then when I found out that he’s underground from everyone, I figured it was something else. Then the mutual friend said, he usually does this when some woman has traumatized him. I thought, oh shit.
But he and I spoke today and he might come over for a drink of bad whiskey tonight.
But there is no acknowledgement between us that there’s anything. Which means I might just be imagining it all anyway.
Regardless: last night, after the oh-shit thought, I thought I ought to tell him how I feel. And that’s when I realized how I feel. Maybe. Maybe it’s how I feel. I don’t know. But how I feel is full of affection and a deep, deep desire to not lose him in anyway. And to see more of him. And SEE MORE of him also.
The girl is lovely. We have hours and hours and hours of sex and conversation. And if she’d been single, maybe we would have hit it off. Fallen in love. Maybe.
Maybe not. I don’t know.
Can I get an AARGH!!