I had a long IM conversation yesterday with a straight male friend about whether or not I can be faithful and in a monogamous partnership. I have a queer feeling that his questions were based largely on the simple fact that I’m bisexual, although he is also aware that I’m capable of loving more than one person at a time. I don’t know whether those two things are actually related to each other – it bears thought. But I suspect that it’s not axiomatic. I am bi therefore non-monogamous? I don’t think so.

Having said that: I was whining about being single and sick of it, and he was saying fuck around and be happy. Ultimately he came to the rather sensible conclusion that I should have fun because I want to have fun, and somewhere in all the fun, love will show up. This makes a sort of sense, I think.

But…. so I like this boy, right? Quite a bit. And he knows I’m queer and seems to have no issues about it. And we spend time together and that’s all great. And it’s not going anywhere, and whee, that’s lovely. And soon, an old flame, girl flame, is going to show up, and we’re going to have a great time. And I am, for my context, a very out there, sexual sort of person, and I can’t help but wonder if this is off-putting to the boys I’m interested in. (I can just hear the feminist hackles rising out there…) As it is, this is Pakistan – aggressive women tend to get no lurve. I’m not aggressive, but I’m not passive. I’m just sort of – There. Very much There. And I have no desire to change myself, that’s not what this is about. (Meta-narrative says: Then what the bloody fuck is it about?) Venting? I don’t know. I’m not good with patience.

This was incoherent. Good job me.

One thought on “Fidelities

  1. please do vent! ;)

    i believe bisexuality and nonmonogamy are very much linked in peoples’ imaginations, and maybe bisexuality is sometimes seen as the only legitimate reason for not being monogamous.
    that probably has to do with rigid binary gender constructions, how much men and women are thought of as being so different, and some myth around bisexuality that you have to have ‘both sides’ or something, and how ‘one’ cannot give you all you desire (whereas that might as well apply to many other things…). that’s why i don’t like the term BI-sexuality so much…
    there’s many people who (are trying to) prove the stereotype wrong, or are being simply a monogamous person to whom the gender of the person she likes is not that important…
    (oh i’m so tired, tell me if i don’t make any sense.)

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